


Change the Dance

by expendable



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Frustration, High School, Quick mention of mutilation, Rey is Nobody (Star Wars), Soul Bond, Terrible Birthday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:21:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29223897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/expendable/pseuds/expendable
Summary: I hope you enjoy this! It was out of my comfort zone so I really enjoyed pushing myself to work with different dynamics.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 24
Collections: To Find Your Kiss: The Reylo Fanfiction Anthology's Valentine's Day Exchange





	Change the Dance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theresonatinglight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theresonatinglight/gifts).



> I hope you enjoy this! It was out of my comfort zone so I really enjoyed pushing myself to work with different dynamics.

“I can’t see you today.” 

Ben’s words over the phone cause me nearly to drop it. Today is my eighteenth birthday and I’d been waiting by the phone all morning for his call.

“Why?” I demand. Usually I wouldn’t be so irritable with him; after all, I loved him more than anyone in the the entire galaxy. Just thinking about him sitting over there with a frown on his face, black hoodie and long legs in the old velvet chair his parents kept by the phone, made a tingle run up my back. 

“Rey. Not today,” he seemed angrier now, “Just listen to me. It’s for the best. I don’t want to ruin your day.”

Now my fondness swiftly dissipated. “Ruin my day? What do you think you are doing right now, Ben? Who else am I supposed to be with? This is supposed to be my day. You don’t want to be with me when I….when I…” my voice trails off. I play with the necklace I’m wearing. It’s a silver chain with an infinity symbol charm. Ben gave it to me last year on Valentine’s day. The same day he wrote me a note promising to always be there for me. Always included my birthday, I reminded myself. He was being unfair. 

“When you what, angel?” His voice holds slight concern now. I think he knows he’s in deep trouble. I resist the urge to slam the phone down on the receiver. I push back the idea of jumping in my rusty old car and turning up my music full blast to go rage drive around the back roads and let out some steam. 

I can say this even if it hurts. 

Ben’s been there for me from the second I met him. We started dating two years ago, nearly the first day I set foot in what was our high school. 

I remember seeing him walk down the hall for the first time. I had just turned around to shut my locker with one hand, holding my chemistry book to my chest with the other, when the entire hall seemed to grow quiet. Other students parted to make way for him, as he purposefully strode down the corridor, fists clenched at each side. He was wearing all black, like usual, and he stood two heads above every other person in the building. His face was angry and he scowled in my direction as he passed. 

“Who is that?” I whispered to Rose, the girl who shared the locker next to me.

“Ben Solo,” she said, “He probably got expelled again. His mom is going to kill him.”  
As she finished speaking, we heard the front door of the school slam shut. 

“Take this,” I said to Rose, shoving my book at her. She wasn’t quick enough to understand me and the chemistry book fell to the floor. “I have to go.” I ran for the door without understanding then why. 

“Class! Rey! What are you doing?” Rose said meekly. But I was already gone.

I could never quite figure out what compelled me to chase after Ben. Maybe it was the sense of looming danger than seemed to surround him. I was sensitive to such things, always had been. As a foster kid and a scrappy tween, I’d been forced to fend for myself in many unsavoury situations that were entirely unfortunate and unacceptable, but try as I might to deny it, sometimes I didn’t try very hard to stay out of trouble. Some times the rush of adrenaline I felt in precarious situations was so powerful that I’d pull daring stunts or break into houses just for the feeling of pulling it off. I didn’t know what exactly that had to do with Ben’s display of anger, but I knew my brain was now helpless to stop my body from following the pull that led me towards him, towards my inevitable future, as it were.

And so it was that after that day, when I finally caught up to him steaming down the block, and touched his back for the first time, that we both ended up feeling something we’d never felt before from another person. Understanding.

The thing that kept others from him was the thing that drew me towards him. He called me his lion tamer once; I could lay to rest the viciousness he felt. The unfairness of life seemed to dull for us both while in each other’s company. And what did Ben bring me? He brought me a comfort I’d never know. It wasn’t his size or intimidation factor that did it. It was a security and deep sense of being seen. That’s what I loved about him. He cared when others had found me disposable. He held me still when the emotions tore through me. 

Or, he had. Today he was nowhere near me and I swallowed back the start of tears. I sniffled as my anger rose again. “You’re abandoning me,” I accused, “This is so unfair.” I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. “I was with you on your birthday,” I reasoned, “Remember?”

He sighed. “I’ll never forget it,” he responded. 

Nothing more needed to be said. We both held the line. I caught my breath and waited for him to say more. I waited for the apology I was due, hoping he’d change his mind and remember what I’d given him. He could decide to rescind this ultimatum and I would forgive him in less than a second. I needed Ben like I needed air. I couldn’t be alone today. 

When I found my mark, I wanted him to be holding me.

“Rey,” he spoke finally and it was my turn to sigh. How could the way he uttered my name stir me every time?

“Be ready in thirty minutes. I’ll spend your birthday with you.” The line went dead and my heart rejoiced. 

The day was lazy and long, the golden sun was warming my shoulders as I waited on the steps for Ben. I played with the necklace again idly. 

He pulls up fast, the gravel from the drive skiddering under the tires of his sleek black Camero. He’s wearing sunglasses and a slightly faded black t-shirt. His brows are furrowed as he climbs out of the car. He’s not holding a present, but I don’t mind. The presence of him is enough. I called, and he came. That would never thrill to delight me, make my stomach fill with butterflies.

The other striking detail about my boyfriend today is the huge scar down his face. Today it seems to almost glow. I reach up instinctively to my own cheek, running my fingers down it. Respond, I’m thinking to myself, Where are you? 

Because the mark on Ben’s face isn’t a scar, although it sure looks like one. It’s his soul mark. A gift he woke up with on his eighteen birthday. Something I thought was so beautiful then. I couldn’t wait to have my own. I secretly imagined them touching when we kissed. 

The whole month since his birthday had been agony. He was showing the world that he was ready for his perfect mate while my face was still unblemished. It had been a hard month in our relationship. I’d felt like hiding in the shadows, almost embarrassed that he was still spending time with me. I started avoiding him in the halls, eating lunch with him quickly and then leaving, and finding other rides home. Mostly, we had just talked on the phone. He understood, always had. He had to remind me every day to be patient. He promised me that as soon as my mark showed up we’d make up for lost time. “We can get married that day,” he said warmly over the line. “Once everyone can see we are meant for each other, there is no reason I’d let anyone or anything keep us apart.”

I’m frustrated; he can see it on my face. “Rey,” he says, kneeling down by the steps to come to my level, “It’s okay. I’m not mad. I’m here.” He pauses and takes both my hands gently in his. 

My sobs fall forth. “Where is it, Ben? You woke up with yours and I don’t have it! I don’t have one anywhere! I spent all morning looking. It’s not there.” I’m racked with sorrow. I’ve never felt this much sadness in my entire life. He cups my face in his hands and kisses all the tears off my cheeks, but whe nhe moves to kiss my mouth, I swat his hand away. “This feels wrong, Ben.”

“Wrong?” he’s stunned, “Wrong Rey? What do you mean?” his voice grows angry and I feel myself torn in two directions against my inner instinct and against the dark passionate love I feel for him. Whenever his temper flares, I know it means he’s hurting. He must be feeling this too, trying to quell the pain the only way he knows how, by drowning me in his hot kisses. Every other incident we’ve encountered grief in together, it’s worked phenomenally. His body carries my mind and my pain away somewhere else. I want that right now too. I want his anger and his want for me to fix this situation, but I know it won’t. Nothing can fix us now except my mark.

He’s quiet for a moment. His fists are clenched tightly at his side. I know he wants to hit something, but I also know he won’t. “Don’t leave,” I whisper. 

“Rey,” he tilts his head, “Is anyone else home right now?”

“No,” I respond automatically. 

“Let’s go to your room, Rey,” he says, itching the back of his neck, his muscles flexing in the tight t shirt. 

I respond the same way I’ve responded to every invitation and suggestion he’s ever given me. I get up, open the door into my mobile home, and invite him inside.

We don’t even make it to my bedroom. He’s pulling my shirt off my body--I’m not wearing anything under it and that realization makes me exclaim, “Ben! The windows are open!” 

He pulls the curtains shut so violently that I think the curtain rod is going to break straight off the wall. 

“I’m going to find your mark,” he says with determination. 

He unbuttons my shorts with a quick twist of his large fingers and runs them down my legs. I automatically help him as I’m used to, stepping out of them and kicking them across the room. 

“Mmm. I’ve always liked those,” he mummers appreciatively, staring at the curve of my ass in the pair of underwear I’d picked out today. Of course I knew he liked these ones. They were sky blue, with a dark blue lace trim. 

I move closer to him, forgetting about the mark and longing instead for his touch on me. I rested my hands on the front of his pants, but he pushed it away. 

“Just lay on the couch, Rey,” he instructs. 

“I’ve been thinking,” he says, after I’ve laid down on my back, “Maybe today isn’t your birthday after all.”

I sit up straight. “What? Ben, that’s ridiculous.”

“Is it? You were a foster kid, after all. Soul marks appear the morning of your eighteenth birthday, everyone knows this. No one has ever got one later or earlier. Ever. So, I’m going to look you over. If you don’t have a mark, it must not be your birthday.” 

He runs his hands up and down my legs. It’s affectionate and calms me, even though I’m terrified by what he’ll find.

Or lack thereof. I did scour my body for signs of a mark in the shower that morning until the water ran cold. There is nothing there. 

I think I knew it was going to be this way as soon as I woke up.

There was never a universe where we were meant to last.  
I never get to keep anything.

These tapes keep playing in my head as I silently comply with his touches. He’s not trying to be sensual, but I can tell he’s trying to comfort me like you would a frightened small animal. He shifts my body around on the couch, lifting up my limbs, inspecting every inch of my skin and I hate it.

“Stop!” I cry. “Ben, I can’t take this. It’s not on my face and now you are looking at my body and it’s my birthday and I cant---” I pull my legs in close to myself and hug my knees. I tilt my head into the space space, with my forehead resting on my knees and I take in the silence. I think I’ve startled him. He’s said before that my anxiety over the mark is ridiculous. 

“Okay,” his voice is dubious. “I just want to know too Rey.”

“That’s the thing, Ben. I don’t want to know. I already know. Today is my birthday, my body is blank. I have no mark.”

He grunts, then sighs and sits next to me on the couch. “Everyone gets a mark. It’s basically the only rule.” 

“I don’t know what to say.” My voice is small and tired. 

“If you have no mark…” he tucks my hair behind my ears and begins kissing my neck, talking slowly between kisses, “then…I guess…I could…just…give you…one.” He looks into my eyes. “Like mine.”

My eyes blow wide open. “That’s lying!”

“That’s love,” he insists. “Let me cut you, Rey. No one will ever question you. I can make it match.” He’s confident and it scares me.

I don’t care that it will hurt--it’s not that at all. While I think of what to say, he goes in for another kiss, sweeping my hair away from my neck now. Instead of lips, however, I feel his fingers. 

“Ah,” he says with the voice of new knowledge, “There it is.”

I rocket off the couch. He doesn’t move at all. “It’s there? It’s there Ben? A mark?”

“It’s nothing, Rey.”

“It’s not nothing to me!” I scream. 

“We can cover it easily. I can burn it off. Don’t say you never thought it might come to this.” He looks at me and continues speaking. I can hear his in my brain even though his mouth isn’t moving. He’s saying all the things I really want and giving me the way to get them. I’m swept up just staring into his resolute black eyes. I can feel myself starting to break. Everything good that has happened to me since I moved her has because I’ve agreed with Ben Solo. Every pleasure, every happiness, and every peaceful moment have been under his hand. So why would going along with this plan be any different? Surely I couldn’t say no to the love of my life.

But the seed of doubt grew quickly as my knowledge of my mark grew. I could almost feel the thing on the back of my neck, the knowledge of my soulmate seeping into my veins. 

Someone else was out there for me. Someone else was out there for him. 

“It’s over, Ben,” I bit my lips between my teeth.

“It’s never going to be over, Rey.” He stands up and I feel the smoulder of his wrath at the situation. At my choice. “I lied to you anyway. There isn’t a mark there.”

Aghast, I try to push him, as hard as I can, but it’s futile and he doesn’t move. I start pounding his chest with my fists, but he easily wraps my wrists with his hands and holds me away from my body.

“You were right, Rey,” he whispers. “You really are nothing. You’re a nobody, without a mark.” 

Time stands still between us as the emotional pain of his words hits me. Of course I was right.

“You are nothing. But not to me,” he continues. “I’ll forgo all of it for you, Rey. I know you are my soulmate and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change my mind.” He gently releases my wrists. 

I’m spent, but I’m done fighting the issue. “It’s clear for me, Ben. I’m not going to hold you back from your future. You have to go find her. I bet with a mark like yours, she’s going to be wild.”

“You’re wild, Rey,” he says in a rumbling warm tone that I am going to miss.

“She’s probably a fighter, like you, Ben.”

“You have fought and won more battles than most, Rey.”

“She’s going to love you forever, Ben,” I whisper.

“I’m going to love YOU forever!” He whirls around and smashes a lamp right off the end table. “I’ve never loved anyone before you and I’m not going to love anyone else in this lifetime, no matter what this fucking scare means!” 

I don’t let his rage scare me. He’s right, I am a grounded fighter. I win battles by staying calm. “Just go find her, Ben,” I cajole. “If you find her and don’t want her, you’ll know I’m not taken. But to disregard your future for a foster kid living in a mobile home with nothing more to give you than her body and a few cheap thrills? Come on. I know you want more.” 

“It’s not fair.”

I start to gather my clothes and re-dress. “It never has been fair. It never will be fair. We just change the dance when the song is over, Ben.” I go back towards him. He’s silent and now he’s looking at the ground. His palms are open and relaxed. He’s obviously listening to what I’ve said but he’s not responding. 

So I hold him. I know it’s the last time and I don’t want to be the strong one today, but I can’t get him to move forward without holding myself back. It’s not his fault I’m unmarked, but it would be my fault if I let him lie to himself about his destiny. As I wrap my arms around his middle and lean into the embrace, I let myself savor this final act of intimacy. I feel one of his huge arms wrap around me and his other hand starts patting my head, playing with my hair.

“I found peace with you,” he remarks. 

We both mourn the passing of time. “The past is dead, Kylo,” I tell him as we both release each other. “Kill this moment and all our times together, if you have to. It’s the only way to become who you were meant to be.”

He can’t take anymore and neither can I. He kisses me once, nods, and picks up the broken lamp. Cradling it in his arms, he throws it in the back seat of his car, turns around to look at me and pauses.

“I’ll never regret what we had” is the last thing I ever hear Ben Solo say to me. 

Truth be told, no matter if I did the honorable thing, I’ll always regret losing him. 

To keep him would only have cost me a lifelong lie. 

To set him free cost me my entire soul.


End file.
